You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
