I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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