i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
