At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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