Is it normal to miss your booty call?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
