he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
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