talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Randomize
