I accidentally burped into my bong.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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