Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
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