I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
