the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
