Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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