i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Dicks are not precious.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
