dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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