My first STD was from a foam party
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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