Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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