Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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