A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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