Only a mothe r could love this liver
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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