She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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