I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
