what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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