Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
