well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Don't make out with my wife yet
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
