You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
