I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
