I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
