White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
God gave him joint rollers for hands
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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