don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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