Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
