I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
