PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
