how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
