Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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