aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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