I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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