We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
