Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
