i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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