i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
