you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
