I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
