We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
