a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
dude. I can hear the air.
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