So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
