I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
