just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize