I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
