that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
