just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
