standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
