I'm lost and stupid without you.
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Randomize