I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
