she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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