Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
