he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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