I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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