I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize