we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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