my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
