I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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