eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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