I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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