i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
