we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
