i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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