Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
