literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize