I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
