Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Randomize
